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#WhatTheHellHappened: To The Woman Who’s Husband Was Messaging Other Women

In this week’s #WhatTheHellHappened, we caught up with Alex, who loved her husband … but had also recently found out he was talking to other women via dating apps for their ENTIRE relationship. She was rightfully devastated and didn’t know what to do. My mom had some rather interesting advice: “You should tar and feather this guy with boiled dog shit and sweaty, lice-infested pubic hair.” While I wouldn’t go that far, we both agreed that she couldn’t trust him after this — especially if every time he’s on his phone, she would be wondering if he’s on Tinder messaging a new woman.

So, #WhatTheHellHappened? Here’s a refresher on Alex’s original story, and an update from her below!

Hello! I’ve been married for about 1.5 years to a wonderful guy. I fell in love with him almost instantly and couldn’t have been happier throughout the 3 years we’ve been together. However, I recently learned that he has been talking to other women via dating apps throughout our entire relationship (dating, engaged, and married). I am absolutely destroyed by this news. He has been trying to make up for it, but I’m afraid it’s too little too late. I love him, and will likely always love him, but is it worth it for me to stay if he has lied to me throughout our entire relationship? I’d like a family, but I don’t want to have children with him and then find out he’s talking to other women again. Also, he swears that nothing physical has ever happened, but how am I supposed to believe him? Help! I utterly torn. – Alex

So, #WhatTheHellHappened to her?

I will say that your column was very helpful, as were many of the comments of support on your Instagram feed. Shortly after I wrote in, we began seeing a couple’s therapist. I wanted to know why he treated me the way he did, and then based on that explanation I was going to make a decision about whether to forgive and move forward in our relationship, or not. Our therapist has been absolutely wonderful, and recommended that he see someone independently because there were some deeper issues that he needed to make sure he sorted out, regardless if we stayed together or not. I’ll always remember the call from him when I was positive it was over. I was travelling for work and about 15 hours from home when he called and said, “I figured it out! I know why I talked to all those other women! I don’t want a committed relationship!” He was sooooo excited that he finally pinned down the reason that he chose to speak to all those women throughout our relationship. I don’t think it dawned on him that this *might* not be something I was ready to hear, especially when away from home. Since then, we’ve decided to split amicably, or are trying to anyway. The amicable part is hard, especially when there is so much hurt, pain, and mistrust. We’ve just recently begun the legal process, but things are looking up. I’m in individual therapy to help work through the pain, I got a beautiful new apartment much closer to work, and I’ve even made a few new girlfriends who are always there with some wine to help me through. I thought I would be devastated that I was losing the life I built with him, and at times I am. But I’m also excited for the future, and eager to see how I can continue to grow and develop without the awful thought of what he’s doing on his phone hanging over my head. I feel so free!

 

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