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Ask Mom & Spawn: My “Boyfriend” Doesn’t Want to Commit … and Still Sleeps with Other Woman

Elizabeth wrote in because her “boyfriend” of over a year still doesn’t want to fully commit. They both have met and are close to each other’s immediate families, but he still sometimes sleeps with other women. Now, she’s just confused. What should she do?

“I’ll try to keep this as short as possible, but I’m truly confused over here. I’ve been seeing a guy for a year who I’ve known platonically for 9 years. Over the years we weren’t close, we used to work together and have kept in contact via social media until last year. He reached out last year talking about our common interests in travel and wanting to spend time together. Neither of us were necessarily “looking” for a relationship but both said we were open to it. A few months in he said he saw us becoming serious. Up until April I know he’s had sex off and on with other women but because we aren’t in a relationship and he’s been upfront about not being ready, I dealt with it and continued letting us grow organically. We now spend 3-4 days a week together, our families have met and we are both close to each other’s immediate families. We have traveled together and do almost everything together, but he says he is still not completely ready for a committed relationship. Am I stupid to continue on, hoping that he will be ready and just enjoy our amazing bond? The thought of ending it is extremely painful but I feel lost and confused as to why we are acting like a couple, yet aren’t.” – Elizabeth


@KateFriedmanSiegel: No no no, the last thing you need to do is to try making him jealous by hooking up with someone else and getting into a pissing match back and forth. I’m sorry he’s acting like this.

@CrazyJewishMom: Yeah, it’s time to call the commitment phobic, manchild police on this one!

@KateFriedmanSiegel: You’ve been seeing this guy for a year; it’s enough. It’s MORE than enough. As my mom suggested, it would be one thing if you also wanted to be in an open relationship, but you don’t. You want a committed, monogamous relationship, as far as I can tell from what you wrote us. I think you have to face that fact and make a decision accordingly. Again, if you think you can be happy in an open relationship go for it, but if you ultimately want monogamy, you have waited MORE than long enough for both of you to decide if you want that with each other.

@CrazyJewishMom: Just tell him he’s your boyfriend and that if he keeps sleeping around you’ll cut his manmeat off.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Perhaps a more productive thing would be to have an honest conversation. Just tell him that you are ready for a commitment, and that as much as you like him, you aren’t comfortable continuing on the way things are. Either he says yes, and you move forward happily or he says no, and you find someone who actually values you. No matter how much fun you have with him, you deserve someone who is unequivocal in their feelings for you.

@CrazyJewishMom: I prefer my suggestion.

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