Liz wrote in because she has been seeing her BF for 13 months and thought nothing was wrong … until he invited her over for the night and then seemingly vanished. She then found out he was on his honeymoon with his new wife! Now, she doesn’t know if she should tell her what happened or just let it go. What do you think?
“I have been dating this guy for 13 months. He’s met all of my friends, but I’ve only met 2 of his. He sends flowers to work just because and he cooks dinner once a week. He stood by me after I lost my father. Even traveled with me for the funeral. He loves his privacy. He asks about my day and how I’m feeling, but he hardly ever shares about is own day. I’ve only spent the night in his place a handful of times. When he comes over to mine, he hardly ever spends the night. He does travel a lot for work, he’s a college basketball assistant coach, so he has to be at the gym or on a plane by 4 a.m. every day. I figured he didn’t want to wake me up that early. That’s fine with me. I’m the administrative director at a law firm and I’m busy too. He’s never been one for social media. He has an Instagram but his last post is from several years ago and he’s standing next to a girl, but he does frequently comment on my posts. Last week he asked me to come spend the night at his place, and I gladly packed my bag and headed straight over. When I got there something was off. I noticed boxes everywhere but he claimed a friend was moving and he was just letting him store a few boxes for the time being, but something was just off. His touch was different. His kiss was different, but I couldn’t figure out what was different. I didn’t hear from him all weekend and I worried. The next time I heard from him, he was on a plane to Iceland, and I had no idea he was even going on vacation. Y’all! He’s on his honeymoon! He posted a picture on Instagram of him and his new wife (the girl in that picture from years ago) talking about how happy he is to spend the rest of his life with her. The night he asked me to come over was the night before his wedding! Part of me wants to tell her. Part of me wants to just lay in bed and cry for days. How could I be so blind and not see the signs? I don’t know what to do.” -Liz
@CrazyJewishMom: Oh, we have to kill him.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Nope! Nope, murder is never the answer.
@CrazyJewishMom: At the very least, this flaming human trash barge needs to be castrated.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Again, no, but I’m so incredibly sorry this happened to you, Liz. This guy is a complete sociopath, so though I’m sure you’re in a lot of pain right now, thank G-D you didn’t end up with him. Please try not to beat yourself up about being blind to the situation – his actions were carefully designed to manipulate you, so try and focus more on the fact that you were open to loving someone and that it’s highly unlikely you’ll ever encounter someone so manipulative and deceitful again in your romantic life.
@CrazyJewishMom: I can’t believe he had you over for a booty call THE NIGHT BEFORE HIS WEDDING.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah, it’s completely vile. As I said, in the end you’ll be incredibly glad you didn’t end up with him. Imagine if you were the one he married and still had no idea what he actually is. That doesn’t make it any less painful right now, and it’s definitely time to drown your sorrows in chocolate or wine or whatever brings you comfort. Self care is what you should focus on for now.
@CrazyJewishMom: You get a week. Eat your ice cream and then no more wallowing. Don’t let this man waste even another second of your life. Get back out there and find someone who isn’t a deranged maniac.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: And to your concerns about the other relationship, I think when you feel ready you should tell his wife. You certainly aren’t obligated to do this, and it makes sense if the situation is too painful and toxic for you to engage with at all going forward. That said, if you were in her position, I imagine you’d want to know. I certainly would! And whether or not she believes you or takes what you have to say seriously is out of your control. Take some time and think about it, but you 1000000000000000% have the moral high ground if you want to tell her, so don’t worry about that.
@CrazyJewishMom: Tell her and then the two of you can go burn his house down together.
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