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Ask Mom & Spawn: I Broke Up With My Addict BF, and I’m Jobless and Almost Homeless – What Do I Do?

In this week’s column, “loveless, friendless, career-less and soon to be homeless” wrote in because she had to break up with her boyfriend, who was a recovering addict and relapsed multiple times after he lied to her about it. On top of that, she lost her job and needs to move out of her apartment. She is feeling very alone and doesn’t know what to do.

“Hi mom and spawn. I’m not really sure if this will provide me any comfort or not but I figure it won’t hurt. I’m in love with a man I was supposed to jet off to Israel with yesterday, was going to move in with and who I truly know in my heart is my person. And I left him last month. Broke it off. Cancelled our flights, set hard boundaries. You see, he’s a recovering addict. Or he was. He’d been lying to me for two months and he’s relapsed three times in the last month and last week he overdosed and it’s horrible. His dad called me and I did go to the hospital the first two days. Broken up or not I do love him and G-d forbid he doesn’t make it I needed my time with him. He’s sedated and we don’t know if he’ll wake up when they lower the sedation. There’s a high chance he won’t make it. Anyways. I tried to go to an alanon meeting per his friends recommendations as he caused a lot of pain and destruction. Both meetings were moved and I met a woman who helped me put a  lot into perspective. I can’t keep being involved because it isn’t healthy for me or for him. He needs to understand we’re never getting back together. I know being around people is the right thing for me during this time but I have very few friends in nyc and I just don’t know where to go or what to do. On top of the relapse and overdose I was laid off from the only non teaching job I’ve ever had (was trying to leave education) and I need to be out of my apartment in a month. Left the man I love because I love him, jobless and soon to be homeless. Is anyone else sucking at adulting as much as me or is it just me? I know leaving him was the right thing for both of us but why does the right thing always have to be so hard? “ – loveless, friendless, career-less and soon to be homeless

@CrazyJewishMom: I’m so sorry you’re hurting, going through such a tough time, and losing someone you love to addiction. It’s awful, but trust me, you’re not sucking as much as you think you are.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah! I was going to say – not every choice has an easy or painless answer and consequence, but taking care of yourself and leaving a toxic relationship looks like an extremely mature, reasonable decision and damn good job of adulting from where I’m sitting. And I don’t pretend to know anything about loving someone with an addiction, but every episode of “Intervention” I’ve ever seen seems to suggest setting bottom lines and sticking to them is a very important thing to do.

@CrazyJewishMom: I’m so sorry, it’s awful, but now it’s time to focus on you!

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah, what you’ve described is so incredibly traumatic. If it’s possible, I highly recommend talking to a therapist about what you’ve been through and to get help moving forward.

@CrazyJewishMom: Your first priority has to be focusing on getting your career on track again. Career first, penis second.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Well, I think mental health is number one, because if you’re not okay it’s very difficult to move forward on any front. Having said that, I agree. Everyone has setbacks in their career, so try not to take this disappointment as more than it is. People get fired. It happens. Get your resume together, and start applying for new jobs! That said, I think you should apply for jobs both in the non education sector as well as positions in education. Getting a secure income is super important for stability. You can always apply for another job outside of education later on, but at this moment, I think you need to take whatever comes your way (and is a reasonably good fit). I just want to reiterate though – don’t let a minor setback like this make you feel like your dream career is over. It’s just a bump in the road.

@CrazyJewishMom: And I can help you find a new place, but I think while your income is uncertain you should look for short term housing, maybe with roommates.

@KateFriedmanSiegel:Yeah, look on Craigslist housing – that’s how I found my first place with roommates.

@CrazyJewishMom:  But be careful, don’t go visit one of roommate craigslist situations alone.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Fair enough. Also, email me your budget and what you’re looking for. I get a lot of emails from my college alumni list where people are looking to fill a room in their apartment with a new roommate! Maybe something there would be a good fit, and also roommates could help with the lonely feeling you’ve described.

@CrazyJewishMom: Yeah, and guess what! You don’t have to be in the same room with people to be with friends anymore. Use your phone. Call your friends, lean on them and spend time with them that way!

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah, one of my best friends lives all the way across the country, and we’re just as close as we were when we lived in the same city.

@CrazyJewishMom: You’re going to be okay, honey. You’re dealing with a lot of really difficult things all at once, but just breathe, work with a therapist if you can, and work on one thing at a time. Remember, there are no failures in life. Failures are just a sign post to go in a different direction. And you have read the sign correctly.

Want to ask us for advice? Submit YOUR question here! And did you know that @CrazyJewishMom is a licensed real estate agent at The Corcoran Group in New York? Let her help you find your dream home and with all of your real estate needs. Get in touch with her on her new Instagram account or send her an email at Kim.Friedman@corcoran.com!

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