Aly wrote in because her boyfriend of more than 2 years just broke up with her to focus on his career … but she thinks he might still be actively married to his “ex”-wife. To add suspicions, he broke up with her AFTER she confronted him about it. What should she do?
“First off, I love you guys so much! I look forward to your advice every week! So to make a long story short, the guy I’ve been with for 2.5 years just asked for a break to “focus on the once in a lifetime career opportunity.” Which I would have been more okay with had it not seemingly been his reaction to me confronting him about some evidence I found that suggested he’s still actively married. A while ago you guys even ran a background check on him for me and couldn’t find anything on him, other than some social media on his “ex”-wife. After that I asked if he was still married and he denied it. At the end of last year he took a job out of the country and we’ve been trying to make long distance work. It’s been hard, but we’ve managed until the last couple months as we started to drift apart. The other day I accidentally stumbled across the business page of his “ex”-wife on Instagram and discovered numerous recent posts of her mentioning her “hubby” and a video where she even mentioned HIS name. I confronted him and he said he never talks to her anymore and didn’t understand why she’d mention him at all, and changed the subject. A few hours later I got a message from him saying he still cares about me but needs to focus on his work right now, and he’d let me know when I should come visit him again. I really don’t know what to do or think right now. Am I just being completely stupid and blind?” – Aly
@KateFriedmanSiegel: No. No, you’re in love with someone and it’s really hard to see a situation objectively when you trust and love someone.
@KimFriedmanNYC: You don’t know what to think? I’ll tell you what to think: HE IS LYING TO YOU AND YOU SHOULD SPRINT AS FAST AS YOU CAN AWAY FROM THIS MARRIED, LYING, PSYCHOPATH!!!
@KateFriedmanSiegel: As I think we said after we did the background check on him for you, there are a lot of red flags. Now, the flags are on fire.
@KimFriedmanNYC: He probably doesn’t even live out of the country! He probably lives with his wife and has lived with her for his whole relationship with you. I WANT TO SLICE OFF HIS TESTICLES WITH A RUSTY CHAINSAW.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Nope, we’re not going to do that. But let’s step back for a second – let’s pretend he’s not actually lying, and all the stuff with his ex-wife has some kind of reasonable explanation.
@KimFriedmanNYC: IT DOESN’T.
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Okay, but pretending for a moment that he’s not lying, he’s still not treating you well at all. You’ve been dating for two and a half years, and you have been doing everything you can to make the relationship work. Now, he’s telling you that he “needs to focus on his career”, and he’ll let you know when you can visit him? Nope that’s not how relationships work. He doesn’t get to dictate when he does and does not want you in his life.
@KimFriedmanNYC: You should talk to the “ex”-wife. You found her business page, send her a message and talk to her!
@KateFriedmanSiegel: You have every right to get answers and talking to her might help you get a lot of clarity.
@KimFriedmanNYC: And I’m sure she doesn’t know about you. So talk to her, and then the two of you can team up and go burn his life to the ground.
Read Kate’s Book!
Need advice or have questions for @CrazyJewishMom & Spawn? Submit them via the form below for the advice column! AND follow us:
For qualified advice, please visit this website for resources.
If you are a victim of domestic violence, please visit this website for resources or call 1-800-799-7233.