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#WhatTheHellHappened: To the Woman Whose BF Needed to “Find Himself”

In this week’s #WhatTheHellHappened, we caught up with RJ, who originally wrote in because her boyfriend needed to find himself — and broke up with her in the process. He claimed that he still loved her, but he needed to be alone … and this obviously made RJ question if she should move on or wait around. To this, my mother responded: “Don’t spend another second sitting around waiting for this angsty little fucker to find himself.” I promptly went on a feminist rant about it, but ultimately agreed that this guy wasn’t worth waiting for and that it seemed like he just wanted to break up without saying the words. 

So, #WhatTheHellHappened? Here’s a refresher on RJ’s original story, and an update from her below! 

“I’ve been following your advice column for years, and I believe you guys really dish out the cold, hard truth people need to hear. This is my situation. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. He’s the best guy I’ve ever met (after many years of multiple bad relationships), and he said the same of me. We were so sure we were gonna be together forever and that we were what each other wanted. But recently he started feeling really down about himself and life in general. He mentioned that nothing he does brings him joy anymore. I went for a short overseas trip, and when I came back, he suddenly hit me with the shocker that he wanted a break from the relationship. He said he felt so overwhelmed by everything and he needed some space to figure himself out. I asked him for a timeline, whether I should wait, whether he still wanted to be together or if it was just a pause. He couldn’t answer anything definitely, although he said that he still loves me a lot despite this situation. The very real reality is that he might go on this indefinite journey of “ finding himself” and decide that he actually prefers being alone – and he agreed that this might indeed happen. I tried reaching out and suggesting that I support him through this journey, but the only thing he was sure of was that he needed to be alone. I feel so lost now. Should I wait without a timeline in sight, or just move on? Really hoping to get your advice on this. Thank you for all the wisdom thus far.” – RJ 

So, #WhatTheHellHappened to her?

A few weeks after the shocker, he asked to meet up again. I was prepared to go full blown crazyjewishmom rage on him, but I happened to get into a mini accident on the day and he rushed down to help, so that saved him from any fury. He said that he realized cutting me off didn’t make things any better because he was a mess himself, and that he realized he wanted me there with him to sort through the mess together. It took being alone for him to figure it out. I found it pretty hard to trust him initially – who knew when he would cut me out without warning again. It caused quite a number of fights. But he’s been putting in the extra effort to show his dedication, and it’s been going well so far! Fingers crossed it stays this way! 

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