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#WhatTheHellHappened: To the Woman Whose Boyfriend Had a Secret Lovechild

For this week’s #WhatTheHellHappened, we caught up with Anonymous, who originally wrote in because she found out that her boyfriend of four years has a THREE-year-old daughter. She knew about the cheating, but not the love child — and felt (rightfully) betrayed by her boyfriend’s lying. To that, my mom said: “AFTER you punch him in the balls, you need to sit down, tell him you know his secret, and ask him to explain himself. He may be terrified to tell you the truth, but he can’t keep secrets like this from you.” She continued with advice that said not to completely give up the relationship, while I completely disagreed, stating that she couldn’t trust him anymore: “I can MAYBE understand him being overwhelmed at first, but he has had three years to come clean.”

So, #WhatTheHellHappened? Here’s a refresher on Anonymous’ original story, and an update from her below! 

“I just found out my boyfriend of four years has a three-year-old daughter. I know I’m not supposed to read his emails and it’s not fair to do that, but I don’t know, gmail was open on his laptop, and I looked. There was an email from a woman about arranging a time for his “monthly parental visitation.” He has a three year old daughter that he never told me about, and I don’t know what to do. After I saw that, I went further in his email, and apparently he’s been paying child support for years, and even had to go to court because for a while he wasn’t paying anything at all. By the way, he told me he had a work trip when he had to go into court for that. I don’t know what to do. I love him, and I knew he cheated on me with this woman back then, and I forgave him, because he was drunk and it was a one night stand. We’ve been so happy. We live together now, and we have a dog, and I know he’s looking for an engagement ring. I haven’t even told him that I know yet. On one hand, the cheating was a long time ago, but how can I forgive him for lying to me about this?” – Anonymous

So, #WhatTheHellHappened to her?

I wound up taking Crazy Jewish Mom’s advice and asking him to explain himself about all of the lies. He broke down crying and told me he was so relieved that I knew, because he had been building it up and building it up for three years trying to find a way to tell me. He said he knew hurt I was with the cheating and was afraid that he would lose me when he came clean. I ended up forgiving him because I loved him so much and I could see where he was coming from being afraid to tell me and all. Things were going good for a while, so we got engaged and I met his daughter. Then last year I found out he was cheating on me again. The worst part was it wasn’t even another one night stand. He was taking her out on dates and it was a whole relationship. I threw all his shit out on the street crazy jewish mom style and sold his engagement ring to pay for a spa weekend for me and my best friend. It was really hard at first, but I’ve moved on and found a great man who I actually trust. The whole thing was a toxic mess, and I’m so happy to have all that craziness out of my life for good. Thanks for the advice and for checking in with me! Love all the advice! Please keep writing.

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