Angeline wrote in because whenever her and her boyfriend fight, they take a “break” to cool down and then make up a week later. After their last fight, however, her boyfriend started dating another woman. Now, Angeline doesn’t know how to get over him. What should she do?
“So, I was with this guy for 4 years and he even proposed a few times (jokingly), but I said not yet. Everyone who saw us knew he loved me so much and would do anything for me. Two months ago we had an argument over something very petty, and I told him we were done. This is normal, we argue and have no contact for no more than a week, let the anger cool down, and then we talk things through and make up. This time within the week when I messaged him, he stopped messaging as he used to and was not answering my calls. I asked to meet, he refused. About a week later i saw a post with him and another girl. Asked him about it and he said it’s a new thing. But we can still hang out and keep in touch. No way ! I blocked him everywhere! He gave up 4 years in 1 week for someone else! Question: how do i get over him?” – Angeline
@KimFriedmanNYC: Honey, you both escaped Get back out there and move on to better things! You’re free!
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah, I was going to say the same thing. The relationship you described doesn’t sound terribly healthy. Arguing is definitely part of any relationship, but to be regularly fighting to the point that you need a week to cool off and completely cut off contact seems like a red flag, especially four years into a relationship. One of the best parts of a long term, committed relationship is having and giving unconditional love, a partner who you can rely on to be with you and support you through everything. A relationship should feel like a dependable constant in your life, not something that might evaporate if you disagree about what takeout you want to get on the way home from work one night.
@KimFriedmanNYC: Okay, okay ranting Rhonda, she gets it! It’s time to move on. You get over him by getting back out there and finding someone new!
@KateFriedmanSiegel: I actually disagree. I’m not ranting to just shit on your relationship or make you feel bad; I just think it might be helpful for you to talk to a therapist before you start dating again (or in tandem) and look at some of the negative patterns in your last relationship, so you can try to avoid falling into that kind of situation in the future. Just a small example, you described frequently ending insignificant fights by saying “I’m done.” Throwing around relationship ending language like that is hurtful, but on a completely practical level, saying those words over and over makes them hollow. It might be good to work on learning how to handle conflict in your relationships with a therapist.
@KimFriedmanNYC: Sure! Therapy is always a good idea. But don’t waste too much time dwelling on this guy. There are plenty of fabulous sperminators out there, and the sooner you get back out there, the sooner you will feel better.
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