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Ask Mom & Spawn: Should I Wait 5 Years for a “Proper” Wedding?

Emma wrote in because her and her boyfriend know they want to marry and have kids in the future, but he wants to wait five years before setting a wedding date. She understands wanting to save up money, but she also doesn’t want to wait that long. What should she do?

“My boyfriend and I have agreed that marriage and children are in our future, but we have different opinions about timing. I’m in dental school and have three years left before I graduate. He thinks we should wait until after I graduate to get engaged, and then have a two year engagement while we focus on paying down my student debt and save up for a proper wedding. I get that this is a rational plan, but I love this guy so much I just can’t imagine waiting 5+ years to get married. It’s especially hard to watch all my friends get engaged knowing I’ll have to wait so long. Should I be patient and go along with his logical, somewhat-less-romantic plan? Or should I tell him that 5+ years is too far away and that I want to get married much sooner? I should point out that he has a good job and I have some savings, so we should be able to pull together a modest wedding.” -Emma

@KimFriedmanNYC: Uh, YES YOU SHOULD GET MARRIED SOONER. I’M ALREADY SUSPICIOUS. Tell him it’s enough already and it’s time to get married now.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: I think five years feels a little excessive.

@KimFriedmanNYC:  You’re one to talk! You and superjew ARE almost at the six year mark!

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Well, my point is less about waiting five years and more about waiting for five years if the only reason you’re not getting married immediately, is because you want to have an elaborate, “proper” wedding. In my opinion, there is no such thing as a “proper” wedding, and as you’ve pointed out, you could have a modest wedding much sooner! There is no rule that dictates spending a ton of money is required to have a happy marriage. All I’m saying is if you’re ready to get married, and you’re not set on a big flashy affair, I think it’s completely reasonable to have something small sooner. Hell, you could go to city hall!

@KimFriedmanNYC: I DON’T BUY HIS REASONING. THIS IS MARRIAGE, NOT A CORPORATE MERGER. Get married now, and have a big, fabulous party for your 5th anniversary. No reason to wait around! I’M STARTING TO SMELL A RAT. TIME FOR AN ULTIMATUM.


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