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Ask Mom & Spawn: What Should I Do About My Rocky Relationship with My Mom?

Mackenzie wrote in because she is constantly fighting with her mom. She thought it would get better after going away for school, but it hasn’t made the fighting stop. What should she do?

“So I have a rocky relationship with my mom. I’m only 19 and I know that typically teenage girls have hard times with their mothers, but my friends have all seemed to have gotten out of that phase and are able to enjoy their relationships with their moms. I’m still in the “my mom is driving me crazy” phase. I went away to college this year (woohoo!) and it seemed to get better when I was away, but still not where I think it should be. Whenever I come home, it still feels forced and we fight a lot about decisions I’m making in my life, like what classes I should take and what major I should be. I know that she’s my mom and that she’s just trying to look out for me, but I feel like I can’t tell her anything because it always seems to end in a fight. You guys seem to have a great relationship even though you tease each other a lot. So what should I do?” -Mackenzie

@KimFriedmanNYC:  You should tell your mother everything and then do what she says.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Nope, would NOT agree with that.

@KimFriedmanNYC: Your mother is always right.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: In fact, she is sometimes wrong! I can totally relate to what you’re experiencing. My mom and I have not always had the easiest relationship. When I was in high school, we fought tooth and nail about pretty much everything. In college, it was nice to have a little bit of distance, though that didn’t last long, as my mom visited an absurd amount and then ultimately chased me to the East Coast, moving all the way from Los Angeles to New Jersey to be close to me.

@KimFriedmanNYC: As all mothers should!

@KateFriedmanSiegel: They shouldn’t. That said, I am ultimately very glad that she lives close to me now. I think in the next few years as you start to establish yourself outside of the rules and restrictions that existed when you were living under your parents’ roof, the relationship will start to improve. At least for me, the separation, albeit minimal, gave me a different perspective on some of the decisions and guidance that my mother pushed for, and I have to say, a lot of it was pretty sound advice in the end.

@KimFriedmanNYC:  Your. Mother. Is. Always. Right.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Just give it time. Keep living your life and as you start to form your adult independent sphere outside your relationship with your mom, your relationship will improve. My mom and I definitely still have tiffs, but at the end of the day your decisions are your own and as you become financially and emotionally independent, you can get to a place of friendship. She’ll still probably nag you to within an inch of your life if my experience is any guide, but it becomes less grating and dare I say appreciated as you have more independence and can take her input with a grain of salt.

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