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Ask Mom & Spawn: My Boyfriend Dumped Me via Text, I Live with My Parents, and I Have Trust Issues

“Dumped Over Text and Living with my Parents” wrote in because her long-term boyfriend broke up with her out of nowhere via text. She also moved in with her parents to save money as she starts a new job, but feels weird about dating while living with them. She also has some major trust issues. What should she do?

“Hi Mom and Spawn! Recently my long-term boyfriend broke up with me over text while I was on vacation. This guy was supposed to be “the One,” he talked about wanting to be with me forever, we had planned to get married, etc. We have had no problems so there were zero warning signs that he was going to do this. Not only did he break up with me over text while I was away on vacation, he called me crazy when I called him out on it, and then asked if we could stay friends. A mess. I’m obviously devastated but I really want to move on. I’m at a place in my life where I don’t really want to date around anymore, I just want to be with the one person I’m going to marry. The problem is, I recently accepted a new job and decided to move back in with my parents for a year before I get ready to go off to graduate school. They’re very conservative and the idea of trying to find someone new and date while I’m under their roof makes me very uncomfortable. And being broken up with so abruptly has left me with some serious trust issues. How do I move on and ever trust someone again? And if I decide to start dating again do I just wait until I’m back to living on my own? Should I just suck it up and try to date with my parents hanging over my head? Should I just get a dog instead??” -Dumped Over Text and Living with my Parents

@KimFriedmanNYC: NO. Don’t get a dog. Don’t get a cat. Don’t wait around and put your life on hold. Get over the discomfort with your parents and get back out there! Your family wants you to be happy; they’ll get over it.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah, also, it’s not like you HAVE to bring home dudes you’re dating to your childhood bedroom – go to their place!

@KimFriedmanNYC: And if they don’t have a place, dump them and find someone who has their life together!

@KateFriedmanSiegel: You’re making smart moves – taking advantage of professional opportunities, saving money by living at at home, preparing to continue your education – your life is on the right track. Some advice my mom always gave me which I think is pretty sound, is that you have to plan for the things that you want, and that includes your romantic life. There’s this sense that you can’t force love, and while that’s true, you can take concrete steps that make finding it much more likely.

@KimFriedmanNYC: Yes, you can’t just wait around for Prince/Princess Charming to sweep you off your feet while you’re sitting in your family’s living room doing a mud mask and eating Chinese takeout!

@KateFriedmanSiegel: For the record, if someone does break into your house and try to physically lift you off the ground…scream, knee them in the crotch and call the police.

@KimFriedmanNYC: I’ve taught you well, spawn. But listen, think about your life. Would you have gotten into grad school if you hadn’t worked hard on undergraduate prerequisites, researched potential programs, and filled out admission applications? No! You did the work. Same thing applies to your love life. Get swiping on the apps, get out there, and start meeting people! You have to do the grunt work to get what you want in all aspects of your life! Don’t let a little discomfort with your parents get in the way of your future.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Agreed. And again, just don’t bring home dudes, and you’ll be fine! When it comes to trust, it is always hard to trust after you’ve been blindsided in a relationship, and as I always say (and strongly believe) therapy is always a great idea. A therapist can help you work through any trust issues that have come up and even help you identify red flags early on in a relationship.

@KimFriedmanNYC: Forget the texting loser and start dating!!

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