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Ask Mom & Spawn: My Last Boyfriend Burned Me, How Do I Not Become a “Stalker” Woman

In this week’s column, “Always Suspicious Now” wrote in because her boyfriend lead her on for two years and now that they got serious, she found out he had a girlfriend for the first year and half of their “relationship.” Now, she wants to know how she can trust anyone ever again or if she will be stalking all of her future SO’s acquaintances. What do you think?

@KimFriedmanNYC: Let’s burn this fuckboy’s life to the ground.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Yeah, wow. I’m sorry that happened! What an asshole! I am very glad to hear that you’re not considering taking him back, because HOLY JACKASSERY that would be a bad plan.

@KimFriedmanNYC: You and the ex should get together, lure him into bed with the offer of a threesome, and then chop off his testicles. You slice the right, she can slice the left.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: Nope, nope, nope. Just cut your losses and move on. This jackass has wasted enough of your time. In terms of how to do that though, I’m not going to lie, it’s going to be hard to trust after such a massive violation. I’ll say a few things that helped me in the wake of experiencing unfaithfulness. I think therapy can really help you work through your past relationship and help you recognize red flags and toxic patterns that you might not be aware for future relationships. And frankly, I think a fair amount of stalking is fine! Obviously, trust in a relationship is crucial, but it has to be earned and deserved. My partner has my passcodes and I have his, because there’s nothing to hide. Frankly, at this point I wouldn’t even bother snooping, because we’ve built such a strong foundation of trust. That takes time though, and I think it’s fair to approach the early stages of a relationship with someone you don’t actually know all that well with a healthy dose of caution.

@KimFriedmanNYC: I still like the castration plan. Something to think about.

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