Hi Mom and Spawn! I have a huge crush on one of my male colleagues and don’t know what to do! We’re really good friends and hang out during lunch at and sometimes outside of work. We became close last year but he has a girlfriend. Over the summer he told me he had feelings for me but things were “complicated” with the girl. Despite that, we still continue to text all the time and see each other every day. It has even gone as far as serious sexting. I feel bad that we are doing this and he still has his girlfriend, but I can’t stop. I also feel like with the amount of communication I have with him, he can’t be seeing his girlfriend all that much. The communication is constant. This has been going on so long and I feel like he’s never going to let her go. At the same time, do I even want someone who is doing this to his girlfriend? Probably not, but I feel like we have this crazy connection. Help! – Sarah
@KimFriedmanNYC: Sarah! Honey! You answered your own question. YOU DON’T WANT SOMEONE WHO IS DOING THIS TO HIS GIRLFRIEND!
@KateFriedmanSiegel: That is exactly what I was going to say. You cannot expect someone who doesn’t respect monogamy in his current relationship to treat you any differently in the future. Trust me, I’ve been exactly where you are, and it doesn’t end well. You will tell yourself that the reason he’s talking to you and violating the trust of his girlfriend is that your “crazy connection” is just so much more passionate and amazing than theirs is, etc etc. Then surprise surprise, two years into dating him, when the initial lust has worn off and you’ve regularly started farting in front of each other, you’ll find out he’s doing the exact same thing he did to his current girlfriend to you. Relationships have highs and lows, and if his response to a “complicated” rough patch is to explore connections with other women…you should go in absolutely clear eyed about the fact that he will in all likelihood behave the same way in a relationship with you.
@KimFriedmanNYC: And come on Sarah! A co-worker? Don’t get your meat where you get your bread and butter!
@KateFriedmanSiegel: Trust is the most the most important thing in a relationship, and if you were to pursue something with him, it seems unlikely that you would be able to have that after the way you started things. But even putting the issue of trust aside for a moment, do you really want to be with someone so weak? If this man had an ounce of backbone, he would have done the right thing and broken up with his girlfriend before starting a(n intense) flirtation with you. For me, that kind of weak willed indecisiveness would be extremely unattractive.
@KimFriedmanNYC: Stop wasting your time on this loser. Team up with the girlfriend, burn down his house, and move on to a man who will respect you and who you can trust. Angsty and forbidden longing isn’t love.
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