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Ask Mom & Spawn: I Think I’m Still In Love With My Ex

Tori wrote in because she broke up with her ex due to some rocky moments and moved on with a new beau. The problem? Tori is not sure if she is still in love with her ex … especially after he professed his love for her. What should she do?

“At the beginning of the summer I ended things with my partner of over a year. It was a wonderful relationship but there were rocky points, like me feeling like a second choice to their ex before me. I have kinda moved on and started dating someone else who is great. Although, sometimes I feel like I can’t really be myself around him. Out of no where me and my ex got into a really deep conversation and they want another chance to prove to me that they would be better this time. I 100% believe that they would give it everything they have and now I’m feeling conflicted because I thought I was starting to move on. My ex is truly the first person I have ever loved and felt so loved. I mean I was planning an entire future with them. So now do I tell my new person that I’m not over my ex or do I just try to keep pushing forward?” – Tori

@KimFriedmanNYC: Lose the new guy, and give it another shot!

@KateFriedmanSiegel: This is a tricky one, but whatever you decide, I think you need to decide it immediately. It’s not at all fair to entertain your ex while in a new relationship. Think about it; you’re putting this new guy in the exact same position your ex put you in – “feeling like a second choice to their ex.”

@KimFriedmanNYC: Oh relax, shit happens! Tori, let the new boyfriend down easy and tell your ex GAME ON!

@KateFriedmanSiegel: A word of caution in advance of jumping off ex boyfriend cliff: Before you make any decision, I really think you should try to honestly assess the problems that existed in your relationship. You said there were  rocky parts of your relationship, and it’s easy to brush those under the rug and get swept up in the romance of giving love a second chance (been there!). Those problems that led to your breakup don’t just magically disappear, so try to be as clinical as possible in thinking about everything.

@KimFriedmanNYC: I think some men don’t realize what they have until they’ve lost it, so the ex could be ready to go all in with you. Just put a time limit on it, and see if he practices what he’s preaching! And gets you a diamond.  Besides, if you’re thinking about another man, this new relationship isn’t going to last anyway.

@KateFriedmanSiegel: I disagree with that. Tori’s ex was her first love, so it would be insane if she didn’t feel anything when that person came back and professed his love for her. Point is Tori, I think you should just try to remember how painful it was to move on and think honestly about the problems that existed in your past relationship, so you don’t get sucked back in only to be disappointed. I’m not saying that will inevitably happen, but I think you should be careful.

@KimFriedmanNYC: Go with your gut. But if he doesn’t perform and get engaged within 6 months … dump him hard.

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